Exposing the Lie of the Social Ladder

My immutable traits lead people to assume I crave validation from their gaze, that their words cut deep, but I’m impervious to their criticism because it’s empty validation. See I’ve never known the comfort of conformity or even had the privilege of having a social mask. I realise people lie and exaggerate about things pretty much all the time, and consistently; I had a horrible experience with public personas that taught me that. But it seems to me the reason behind it all, is to give the impression they’re more important than they are, in hopes of promotion in the hireachy. They also usually use other people’s vulnerability’s to do it, like my ex friend trying to say my kids call him dad (untrue) but it gives him social credit at the expense of me and my kids, my sister also uses my kids to do that because my motherhood is a highly judged vulnerability, but even the rich and famous aren’t immune calling themselves (laughably) royals.

Yes, social predation works both ways. Losers sucking off self assigned royals, and the socially higher up using losers vulnerability as pawns to look… charitable.

It’s a tale as old as time, Predators preying on the vulnerable, and those desperate for validation enabling it.

To me; social hierarchy, is a game for nature’s finest bootlickers, ladder-climbers, and self-appointed aristocrats of meaningless pecking orders. To me social ladder users treat life like a high school cafeteria, obsessing over who's sitting at the cool kids' table while the rest of us are just trying to eat our damn lunch, and I can’t help but laugh watching them all.

They worship power and status like they're deities, as if licking the soles of the rich and famous will somehow get you into the VIP section of life. Reality check: it won’t. Those people don't care about you, and the only thing you’re climbing is a greasy pole that leads straight to irrelevance.

If your whole personality is built around knowing the "right people" without knowing networking etiquette; you’re just blindly trying to use people, then getting angry when it doesn’t work. If you flex social connections like they're Pokémon cards, nobody is actually impressed, and half the people you brag about wouldn't recognize you in a lineup. The best part? Your desperate need to be seen as important only makes you look like a pathetic NPC, coded to bow and scrape up scraps of useless validation and clout.

To me I laugh at your meaningless little power plays while the world moves without you, which is why there is no competition from me, I don’t see myself as better than you, no, I see you as stuck in a self imposed limitation that stifles you from creating anything truly unique for yourself.

For me, I've spent a lot of time thinking about why I am the way I am, and why I hate sycophancy and a big part of that comes down to a lack of a social mask. Growing up and moving through life, I was never afforded the luxury of a mask. Instead, my immutable and inherited traits (core aspects of who I am that can’t be changed) were met with underestimation and misunderstanding, shaping how I interact with the world.

I believe a lot of self-diagnosed autism might actually be adults who were bullied kids, numbing themselves to social hierarchies as a coping mechanism. Some find ways to adapt, gaining insight and learning social skills, while others become painfully insecure and desperate for attention, clinging to whatever status symbol they can find, including starring in fake documentaries and writing about celebrities in blogs. I’ve nicknamed them ‘Fawnsters’.

I’ve also been reflecting on why I refuse to play the social game. I’ve watched others relentlessly chase acceptance at my expense, only to lose control when I defy their expectations. They expect me to fit neatly into a predetermined mold; a “loser,” while conveniently ignoring that, sure, my looks might give me a boost in value, but my life is marred with scars I had no control over (immutable), that taught me a lot and I’m proud of it. I’ve always been focused on my kids and survival, not on curating some shallow mask to fight for. My social mask isn’t some fake persona, it’s just the raw, immutable traits of a young mother, traits that come with a load of assumptions and put me unfairly lower on the hierarchy, as if being a fighter who overcomes challenges makes me reckless or irresponsible.

So screw it, I refuse to conform to these expectations because it doesn’t serve me. When I show my authentic self, I force others to confront the reality they’d rather ignore, that their perceptions are fragile, influenced by their bias and their egos are threatened by it, that’s when they get angry at me and try to say I ‘changed’ or blame me. No love, it’s your perception that’s challenged, it’s not me.

The truth is the self isn’t a fixed entity based on stereotypes, and neither are your perceptions, so stop using it like some Pokémon you throw out into the world and level up (unless selling your image is your job), because the self is decentralised, fluid, and ever-changing, just like reality itself. Reality is a dominant narrative, not a fact.

I had no idea people were using all these markers to craft their identities, because I never felt the need to look more impressive than I was. However I have worked with businesses that had brands customers aligned their identity too, and to be honest I’m ashamed I didn’t make the connection sooner. I always did things the hard way; raw and unfiltered, while most were busy slinging labels and masks around. I knew there was a social game but honestly, I never cared to play it, I always keep moving forward, scars and all.

But, not having a social mask left me vulnerable, open to being exploited and having others write my story for me. It became especially dangerous when those with more power stepped in to sway public opinion. But here's what I've learned from playing this game: I've done the hard work to develop real skill, and as an artist, I can take a page from Bowie, and I can reinvent my identity through my art and make it my business instead of forming a social mask for myself.

To me; When you compete, you end up measuring your value against an ever-changing standard that doesn’t appreciate your unique makeup, which is you’re true value, no one on this planet has lived the life you have, your experiences are your own. I’ve seen too many people get lost trying to outdo each other, all while ignoring the complexity and beauty of their own experiences. I don’t want to be a part of that cycle. I’ve learned to value my strengths, those core aspects of who I am that can’t be changed, no matter how much others try to redefine them.

I am the sole architect of who I am, and no social ladder can define it or claim ownership,

they’re simply; not me. And no one is you.