How to break away from Conditioning

Breaking away from conditioning

Breaking away from conditioning feels like wrestling Cthulhu if he was made of expectations, guilt, and other people’s projections. It’s sneaky, deeply embedded in how we react, what we accept, and how we define ourselves. It’s also annoying as hell when you realize you’ve been running on programming that never served you to begin with.

For me, conditioning came in layers. It was in the way I was taught to put others first, to believe I was somehow defective for struggling, to accept that the world had already decided who I was. It was in the way people framed their advice as ‘help’ when it was really just them reinforcing their own comfort zones. And it was in the way society wanted me to either shrink or perform my survival as a spectacle instead of just existing on my own terms.

So, how do you break away from that?

1. Recognize That It’s Not You, It’s Them

Conditioning isn’t something you asked for. It’s something that was put on you. And when you start to untangle it, people are going to get uncomfortable. They’ll act like you’re betraying some unspoken contract. They’ll call you ungrateful, dramatic, crazy, selfish. But that’s not your problem. That’s their programming kicking in.

2. Question Everything (Especially ‘Common Sense’)

A lot of what people call common sense is just repetition. If it’s always been done that way, it must be right, right? Wrong. Ask yourself who benefits from you believing something. Does it help you grow, or does it keep you manageable? If the answer is the latter, throw it in the trash where it belongs.

3. Own Your Own Narrative

This one took me time. I kept catching myself explaining my life as if I needed to prove something. Like I was holding out my wounds and saying, ‘See? This is why I exist like this.’ But the truth is, I don’t owe anyone an explanation. I don’t have to perform my survival. I don’t have to make people comfortable with my existence. My life is mine. Remember majority of people are looking for others to complete their own narratives, 99% of them are too afraid to lead their own lives, be the 1%.

4. Stop Seeking Permission

You’re not going to get a round of applause for choosing yourself. No one’s going to hand you a permission slip to exist outside of the mold they had for you. You just have to do it anyway. And when they push back, when they guilt-trip or try to make you doubt yourself, know that this is proof you’re on the right track. Don’t let their punitive instinct for detecting vulnerability make you believe you’re worth less, you aren’t, no matter who they are.

5. Replace, Don’t Just Remove

Breaking conditioning isn’t just about rejecting old narratives. It’s about building new ones. If you grew up believing that your worth was tied to what you could do for others, replacing that with ‘My worth is inherent’ is going to feel unnatural at first. But keep at it. Rewrite the script in your head until it sticks. I struggled with this deeply, trying to re-write old wrongs but moving forward isn’t about what was done and correcting it, it’s about rebuilding today. Being held back by your own resources and limitations is frustrating, especially when you feel like you’re being unfairly treated. People will take advantage of your lack of resources to push their own agenda, and then convince themselves you deserve it before ever admitting they messed up, just remove them. Don’t explain, let them have their pathetic little blame narratives, they need you to keep it going. Don’t react just keep moving.

6. Let Go of the Idea That Everyone Will Get It

They won’t. Some people are too deep in their own conditioning to ever see what you see. And that’s okay. Your job isn’t to convince them, it’s to live your life on your terms. The right people will adjust, and the ones who can’t? They were never really for you anyway.

7. Recognize the Trap of ‘Good Enough’

People love to tell you that you’re ‘good enough’ when they sense you trying to break free. It’s a way of keeping you from wanting more, from questioning what you deserve. But ‘good enough’ is just a leash disguised as reassurance. Rip that thing off and keep going.

8. Be Relentless

Breaking away isn’t a one-time thing. It’s daily. It’s catching yourself when you fall back into old thought patterns. It’s choosing yourself over and over again until it becomes second nature. And even then, you’ll still have moments where you falter. That’s fine. Just don’t stay there.

The truth is, most people never escape their conditioning. They stay in the cycle because it’s comfortable, because it’s easier than questioning everything. But if you’re reading this, you already know you’re not most people. So take the discomfort, take the pushback, take the fear, and walk through it anyway.

You don’t belong in their boxes. You never did, and neither did I.